We spent 8 hours a day for 2 days winding our way North. It was a pretty relaxing and uneventful trip, apart from some rain and neo-conservatism.

I had a very brief conversation with an old-timer American. He dressed in classic summer hunting attire, hat and all. Like a character straight out of a 80′s film starring John Candy (God rest his soul) or Chevy Chase. I managed to grab a clandestine picture:

The chat went something like this:

Me: “… we ended up eating in the Indian place last night. It was a really goo …”
Old-timer: “I don’t like Indians so much.”
Me: “Oh, why’s that?”
Old-timer: “And I’ll be damned if I’ll do business with them.”
Me: “Have you been to India?”
Old-timer: “No, but in Bangkok they are everywhere. Always popping up trying to sell you a suit.”
Me: “Riiiight …”
Old-timer: “The kinda pressure sell just don’t work in America. One of them grabbed my arm, that’s Battery back home.”
Me: “Well, I guess your not in America now. The rules are different here.”
Old-timer: “Actually, I heard that those sellers might not be Indians … that they’re Pakistani or something – Muslims.”

This next bit is verbatim. I shit you not.

Old-timer: “I think they [Muslims] harass Westerners because of The War on Terror.”

Me (wry smile): “I highly doubt that”.

I’m guessing he’s a Republican and a member of the NRA.

We took an extended package with a day hiking, a homestay, a bunch of elephant stuff and kayaking.

Here’s how we rolled:

Day 1

We arrived at the sanctuary mid-morning after being picked up from our hotel by our guide in a minibus. It was a slow and bumpy ride up into the hills on a single-track dirt road.

The last round of wine we ordered the night before was seemingly not one of our greatest decisions, especially as we had a 7 hour hike ahead over rough terrain. Hmmm.

The hike didn’t get off to the best of starts as within seconds of getting off the long tail boat across the river from the sanctuary, Lau was in a heap on the floor with blood gushing out of her hand! In some miraculous manuevour I had stepped on one end of a discarded branch with the other end somehow managing to weave it’s way through Lau’s legs and then, quite remarkably, tucking itself down one of her socks. The fall would have been comedy without the blood as it was one of those uncontrollable types where the body flaps around for a second or two before giving up and hitting the deck. The cut on the bottom of her thumb was a deep one, right on the tendon area. Owch.

After dusting herself off, we headed off into the mountains. It was hot and the terrain fairly difficult and within an hour we were both drenched with sweat as if we had just stepped out of the shower.

We stopped for lunch in tiny village of 15 families. The village had once homed 60 families and I doubt any will be left within five years. I performed a little surgery on Lau’s hand, cleaning the wound and laying the flap of skin back over it. We bought a couple of small bags from the villagers before heading out further into the mountains.

After a couple of hours we were thankful when the Sun relented, giving way to a much more useful grey sky. As we reached the peak we could see down the valley for miles on the other side. We could also see the vast sheets of heavy rain moving up the valley. Just as we were all thinking “I hope we don’t get caught in that.”, there was a huge crack of thunder that sounded like a bomb had just gone off. Our guide gave us a plastic bag that lunch had been in to wrap up our valuables. I burried the bag deep in my day pack and then caught up with the guide who had shot off. It always worries me when locals do things like that as it means they know something I don’t!

A few minutes later the rain began to reach us. I was thankful as it was quite refreshing. I was thankful for about 2 minutes as once the rain had stopped flirting with us we got it’s full force and were soaked within seconds. The temperature must have dropped 15 Degrees and hailstones the size of tennis balls started pumelling us.

We were still having fun and at one point we were laughing in each others sopping faces (well, I was laughing in Lau’s face) at the situation as it was quite cool thing to be doing after all. That was until the clay path that wound its way down the other side of the peak turned into an ice ring and our hiking shoes into roller skates. The first time we each hit the deck was quite funny, but Lau then went down hard with the type of fall where your ass hits the ground way before your legs. In cushioning her fall she had whacked her bad hand. A few minutes later she went down again, this time cutting her other hand. I was worried for a minute as bright red blood was gushing out, but the cut turned out to be superficial. I worked out later that the blood pressure in our arms was high because our packs were limiting circulation. We were now officially not having fun and were still a good few hours away from the village we were staying in. Lau had lost her bottle and had gotten herself into a confidence-falling viscous circle. It was very slow moving for the next half hour or so before both the incline and the rain eased. Then, as suddenly as it had disappeared, the Sun came out again and started to dry us off.

We trudged into the village at about 5ish, damp and tired. But the kind of good damp and tired you get after a long day on the slopes. Nothing a full fat Coke and a hearty meal wouldn’t sort out.

The family we were staying with were lovely. At one point Lau was showing three generations an episode of Family Guy on my iPhone! This is a village that has 2 TV’s. The youngest kid got to grips with the iPhone quicker than I did; he was pinching n’ zooming, flicking and rotating inside of 20 seconds.

After we had virtually inhaled our dinner we were treated to a little show from the family’s kids and a few of there friends. They all clapped out a steady beat and they would periodically, almost spontaneously, break out in song that one of them had started to mumble. I like Loas music and to hear little kids sing was very cute.

As the music had carried through the village (along with the prospect of sweets from the tourists) the kids were joined by others, two and three at a time. Ten minutes later the long table we were sat at was filled with about 25 little urchins, all clapping the beat and singing there little hearts out.

*** Link to video ***

Definetely one of the highlights of the trip so far.

Day 2

Day 2 was elephant day. We treked back to the sanctuary and within half an hour we were on the back of one! As we learnt the commands of a Mahout (elephant handler) we progressed from being ridden while sat on a harness to driving the things bare-backed, solo. Very cool. I sustained ‘elephant burn’ during my final dismount of the day! I now sport a friction burn on my left knee, the beast was unscathed.

At one point, as we were walking the elephants back out to the jungle (where they graze and sleep), I found myself hanging on to the head of an elephant who was ambling steadily down a steep incline down to the river below – a river we were about to cross. I love health and safety out here; it’s how it should be: weigh up the risks yourself and take your chances.

We checked into our hotel mid-afternoon; the room was pretty luxurious, certainly compared to the homestay the previous night. The hotel was a few minutes upstream by longtail and the boat ride home after dinner at the sanctury was stunning as the stars were blazing in the pitch black

Today was another highlight.

Day 3

We were up early to go fetch the elephants from the jungle and take them down for their morning bath at the river. We’d crossed the river on them the day before, but this time the Mahouts had them diving and dunking us in the drink … at one point the only thing above water was my head! We scrubbed them clean with giant bathroom scrubbers as the morning mist gave way to the Sun. At one point as Lau was submersed to her waist, a few elephant dungs were floating her way! After much eeeking her Mahout pushed them aside. As I watched the elephant poo bob down stream I couldn’t help think of Lush and how they would be probably selling them within a year.

After the bathing, we headed back to the sanctuary and fed our elephants bananas and pineapple leaves. It is so mesmorising watching them munch away.

We then fed ourselves on the veranda over looking the river before setting out on the 20km kayak back to Luang Prabang. Sore arms!

The route we’re doing is called “The Loop” and covers about 400km, taking in caves, springs and mountains. We’d taken a photo of a Goonies stylee map drawn in a book at the guesthouse by the mysterious Claudia.

For those coming here from the advice book in the Thakeak Travel Lodge guesthouse, I’ve not yet out the way points up. Sorry. Will do it soon.

Day 1

I took delivery of our moped at 07:00 and, after feeling the tires and filddling with a few things like a real man, I accepted it, leaving my passport as collateral.

Here she is, our very own Green Goddess:

110cc’s of raw power. We’re going to lay down some rubber!! I did try to get a 250cc off-road bike, but there were no places that hired them in Thakaek. Probably for the best.

After breakie, we set off on the first segment of the trip up to a village near Konglor Cave. It was the biggest day for distance, but they were easy miles on a proper road – luxury.

As we began climbing into the mountains on a sweeping road my heart sank as the bike began spluttering in the only way an engine splutters when it’s out of fuel. Bugger. What was it we’d read that very morning in the Travellers Tips book at the guesthouse – “Tip 2: Stop at EVERY petrol station and fill up”. Bugger. Bugger. Bugger.

So, there we were stopped on a steep incline in the middle of nowhere. Lau suggested we try the engine again. My ever so logical self started mocking immidietely (I think it was something involving the Petrol Fairy or the Patron St. of Fuel), but I tried the engine, more to proove a point than anything else. Hey presto, the little beauty started! Laura took over the mocking as we gingerly set off over the peak with stunning views over the limestone formations and forest below.

As we decended the other side of the peak the bike began making all manner of ill sounding noises, including loud cracks as it backfired. We wished a petrol station with every turn as we wound our way down to the plain, but none came, not even mirage ones. Then, as the road straightened out two things happened simultaneously: the bike finally gave up and choked to a stop, and a petrol station appeared on the horizon! 300m of pushing and then “Fill her up please!”.

A couple of k’s after the petrol station was our turning that would eventually take us down to Konglor Cave. After a while the nice tarmac road gave way to a red dust track.

We stopped for nice big lunch at Sain Amhi Resort. So big that I needed a little snooze before we hit the road again.

Shorty after lunch, we had a little incident on one of the rickity wooden bridges that needed a foot putting down at speed – not something I’ll be doing again in a hurry. Certainly shook off what remained of my post-lunch drowsiness!

We arrived at the village in the late afternoon and after doing a loop through it and waving at all the kids we eventually found a homestay. After dumping our gear we took a deck of cards and went to find some Beer Lao. We were soon joined by a troupe of scamps who enthusiastically clapped every time Lau won a hand, which as anyone who has played cards with her will know, was quite often!

Day 2

After being woken up at rooster-o’clock (I swear there was one in our room!) we headed for breakfast. Before we ate, the man of the house performed a little ceromony that involved us each holding some sticky rice and an egg in our hands as he did a little chant and tied a friendship braclet around our wrists. We were exchanging “this is quite cool” glances as he went. He then guided us to go ahead and eat the rice and egg. I crakced into mine and started to eat this pre-breakfast treat, worrying that if I didn’t I would offend his honour and the village chief would be brought in before you could say “impale him”. As Lau cracked into hers a smell poured out that knocked me sick – her egg was rotten. The host looked mortified and I’m not too sure of the significance but it probably as lucky as seeing a magpie riding a black cat, on Friday 13th.

After breakfast we headed down to Konglor Cave – a massive cave that led 7km into the limestone. We made our way from one side to the other and back again on a traditional boat. We had to stop occasionally and get out as the river was low in some points as we’re at the height of the dry season. They guys just pointed into the pitch black and said “walk” – we had no idea where we were going half the time! You gotta love health and saftety in SEA. After aboout an hour or so we reached the main attraction: a cavernous staligmite/stalignite forest. It was lit with different coloured lights and was beautiful. It reminded me of One Eyed Willy’s cave from the Goonies!

As we came back though the cave I thought it was a bit darker than it was coming. It took me a good 5 minutes, after messing with the battery in the torch, to realise I still had my sun glasses on.

We set off from the cave in the late morning and began the drive to Lak Xao. We stopped on the way to cool off in what is officially known as The Cool Spring. We broke off from the main road in order to find it at the end of a dirt track after some serious off-roading on our humble moped. We managed to scare ourselves into thinking that all manner of creatures were murking in the spring and very nearly didn’t go in. In the end we plucked up the courage and slowly edged our way in. We both freaked out at different points and managed to fall off slippery rocks back into the spring – Lau has an allmighty bruise on her arse as a souvenir!

We arrived in Lak Xao late in the afternoon. What a shit hole Lak Xao is. It’s a small town built up around the 4 roads that form a crossroad in it’s centre.

More to come ….

Day 3

Day 4

Today was cave day.